Posted by: jennyo | January 11, 2010

An Audience of One

I have missed writing- but I have wondered about the new boundaries for blogging since getting married in August. My job (nannying for two babies) is challenging in logistical ways, but it doesn’t provide much fodder for thought during the day- unless “how can I create a rotation for electronic toys so there aren’t always fifteen songs playing at once” counts as a mindful endeavor. Rather, most of what I have reflected upon the past few months has been related to the ethos of marriage, what our marriage is and will be, my identity as an individual who is married, and the identity of my new husband and how I can know and love him. Last night we had a conversation in which he encouraged me to write and shared his perspective on ‘writing as disclosure’… so here I am. Ready to disclose and maybe he’ll be sorry he said that (just kidding).

There has been an undeniable blessing in the transition period of this time. I have undergone a sort of inversion of life in Connecticut… a mostly lonely job and more solitary living conditions (besides the hubby, of course)… with crowds of people EVERYWHERE, always pushing, honking, looking down and plodding on (or wrapping scarves around their faces and plodding on). I miss the stream of meetings with students, retreats and weekly meetings with everyone together, and having much involvement in many lives. Yet I am more deeply involved with one life than I have ever been with anyone. I am more disclosed to ONE person than ever before, more appreciated, more known. AND I get the opportunity to be that involvement, disclosure, appreciation, knowledge in concentrated form for another- a ministry for a lifetime.

I did not embrace this at first, but I am ready to thank God for designing it that way. I have already learned so much more about myself and about Joel and we continue to learn. We create traditions, weekly chores, an understood schedule- we are creating family as best friends. I wish I could tell my engaged self how much deeper it would get- at the time, it was hard to imagine.

I am definitely even more excited about being married to Joel now than I was the day of our wedding. And though I have yet to find a passionate love for Chicago, I am ever so thankful that God placed us here to get rooted together.

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Responses

  1. This was sweet. And thoughtful. Thanks for posting!

  2. I know what you mean about being more involved in ONE life than you ever have been. I was recently crying to Matt about my own loneliness and lack of being connected to others. But, at the same time, this whole boat thing has made me more connected with HIM, which is something to be treasured. New beginnings are hard, but I’m trying to embrace this time and set aside my loneliness for friends because I know it will be all too soon when I’ll be wishing that Matt and I could just have a second alone!!! 🙂 haha glad to see you are writing again!


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